LGBT Common Questions - Individuals

“God does not look on the outward appearance. I believe that He doesn’t care one bit if we live in a castle or a cottage, if we are handsome or homely, if we are famous or forgotten. Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Though we may feel lost and without compass, God’s love encompasses us completely … He loves us because He is filled with an infinite measure of holy, pure, and indescribable love. We are important to God not because of our résumé but because we are His children. He loves every one of us.” - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

God loves all of us. He loves those of different faiths and those without any faith. He loves those who suffer. He loves the rich and poor alike. He loves people of every race and culture, the married or single, and those who identify differently. And God expects us to follow His example.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16).

Nothing more fully demonstrates the depth and reach of God’s love than His willingness to sacrifice His Son that we, His children, might overcome death and be offered eternal life. 

God promises that if we obey His laws, we will have eternal joy, and He always keeps His promises. People who experience same-sex attraction or identify as gay can make and keep promises to God. Whatever a person’s circumstances, he or she can contribute to the Lord’s cause in the present and can anticipate that his or her faithfulness will yield the same blessings, here and hereafter, that are promised by God to anyone who is similarly faithful.

Feelings of same-sex attraction are not a sin. However, any sexual relations outside of marriage between a man and a woman according to God’s law are violations of the law of chastity, regardless of orientation. 

Individuals are encouraged not to act on same-sex attraction or assume a gender identity other than the one they were born with. Even though they may not choose to have such attractions, they do choose how to respond to them. Those who find themselves struggling with sexual temptations, including feelings of same-sex attraction, should not give in to those temptations. People can choose to avoid such behavior, commit to keeping God’s commandments, and receive the Lord’s help as they pray for strength and work to overcome the problem.

The Lord’s law of chastity is:

• Abstinence from sexual relations outside of a marriage between a man and a woman according to God’s law.

• Fidelity within marriage.

Within the context of marriage between a man and a woman, sexual expression is an important aspect of bonding between spouses. The power to create mortal life is the most exalted power God has given his children. Its use was mandated in the first commandment, but another important commandment was given to forbid its misuse.

If we express ourselves sexually outside the bounds the Lord has set, we not only jeopardize our ability to choose well; we also reject the pattern the Lord set for our eternal happiness. Outside the bonds of marriage, all uses of the procreative power are to one degree or another a sinful degrading and perversion of the most divine attribute of men and women.

We condemn and oppose pornography in any form. Pornography use of any kind damages individual lives, families, and society. It also drives away the Spirit of the Lord. It should be avoided and opposed in all forms.

Viewing explicit sexual images, even out of curiosity, also violates God’s commandments. Sexual stimulation has a powerful effect on us. Even looking at images or thinking about sexual expression causes us to feel pleasure and desire more. In promoting this stimulation, pornography deadens one’s sensitivity to God’s moral law. Most importantly, it offends the Spirit, leaving one without the guidance and protection of the Holy Ghost.

Helpful resources:

Addressing Pornography

Fight the New Drug

People of any sexual orientation who violate the law of chastity can be reconciled with God through repentance. Repentance requires a change of heart. The precious gifts of repentance and forgiveness are made possible by the Atonement of Jesus Christ. They can wipe the slate clean and strengthen our ability to use our agency for good. 

We don’t know the cause or the reasons why, and we might never know in this life. A number of factors may be involved, and they can be as different as people are different. Attraction and sexuality should not be our identity or defining characteristic. Our primary identity will always be as a child of God. 

If you’re asking yourself whether you’re gay, you’ve probably experienced same-sex attraction and are wondering how to interpret these feelings. Sexual desires are complex and shaped by many factors. While a romantic, emotional, or sexual attraction can signal a sexual orientation, you should not automatically assume that it does. Sexual desire can be fluid and changeable. If you are questioning, you should not feel pressured or rushed to reach conclusions about your sexuality.

Words mean different things to different people, and the definition of a word can change throughout our lives. What does the word gay mean to you? Is it a feeling? An identity? A lifestyle? The usage of the word gay has been changing as society and culture change. Identifying as gay may mean you experience same-sex attraction but choose not to act on these feelings. Or maybe this label describes how you express yourself emotionally, physically, sexually, or politically. If you’re wondering what someone means when they say, “I’m gay,” just ask them.

For some people, keeping feelings of same-sex attraction private can result in shame or a negative internal dialogue. Sharing those feelings with a trusted confidant can be liberating and healing. Some, however, wish they had waited longer or at least limited the number of people to whom they disclosed their feelings, so this decision shouldn’t be based on yielding to pressure to “come out” publicly or openly identify as gay. If you decide to disclose feelings of same-sex attraction, prayerfully consider whom you would like to tell about it and how to share this aspect of your mortal experience.

If you decide to share your experiences of feeling same-sex attraction or to openly identify as gay, you should be supported and treated with kindness and respect. We all need to be patient with each other as we figure things out.

As a community, we all have a responsibility to create a supportive and loving environment for all our brothers and sisters. Such a support network makes it much easier to live the gospel and to seek the Spirit while navigating any aspect of mortality.

How you define yourself may change throughout your life, but first and most important, you are a beloved child of God. He is the Father of your spirit (see Numbers 16:22; 27:16; Hebrews 12:9). In our mortal lives, we may be given or assign ourselves many labels. Some labels may describe affiliations or a stage of life, and other labels may reflect physical characteristics like tall, short, brunette, bald, or redheaded.

Throughout our lives, aspects of our identities change. We inevitably change from young to old. Our views may change, and, along with those views, we may change our affiliations. Our identity may be in flux, but there is one aspect of who we are that is eternally fixed. We will always be children of God.

We should exercise care in how we label ourselves. Labels should be used thoughtfully and with the guidance of the Holy Ghost. Labels can affect how we think about ourselves and how others treat us and may expand or limit our ability to follow God’s plan for our happiness. Labels may impact our goals, sense of identity, and the people we call friends. If labels get in the way of our eternal progress, we can choose to change them.

If one experiences same-sex attraction, he or she can choose whether to use a sexual identity label. Identifying oneself as gay or lesbian is not against doctrine; however, it may have undesired consequences in the way one is treated. No true follower of Christ is justified in withholding love because you decide to identify in this way.

As Paul expressed it: “For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:27–28). One day, at the end of this short mortal journey, we will return to the presence of our Heavenly Father. One day, all other labels will be swallowed up in our eternal identity as children of God.

The Savior has a perfect understanding of all our difficulties. As mortals, our understanding is limited.

As we seek answers and direction for our personal journey, we can trust God and the power inherent in the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ. As Jesus Christ took upon Himself the sins of the world, He also experienced every pain and affliction any human being might experience.

“For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known” (1 Corinthians 13:12).

The intensity of same-sex attraction is not a measure of your faithfulness. Many people pray for years and do all they can to be obedient in an effort to reduce same-sex attraction, yet find they are still attracted to the same sex. Same-sex attraction is experienced along a spectrum of intensity and is not the same for everyone. Some are attracted to both genders, and others are attracted exclusively to the same gender. For some, feelings of same-sex attraction, or at least the intensity of those feelings, may diminish over time. In any case, a change in attraction should not be expected or demanded as an outcome by parents or leaders.

The intensity of your attractions may not be in your control; however, you can choose how to respond. Asking the Lord what you can learn from this experience can focus your faith on an outcome you can control. Turning your life over to God is an important act of faith that brings great blessings now and even greater blessings in the world to come.

God has a plan for our happiness. He sent us to earth to learn from our circumstances. He sent us here to make choices. God’s plan is perfect, even if our current understanding of His plan is not. Through the Savior Jesus Christ, we can find hope and healing despite life’s many challenges. God sent us to this time and place. He knew the challenges we would face, the choices we would be required to make. God will not force any of His children to obey His laws. He wants us to choose for ourselves, whatever our circumstances, to learn from experience and to become as He is. But God won’t force us to obey Him.

As followers of Jesus Christ, we learn to listen to the Spirit and walk in the light of Christ. We can discern what is right or wrong, despite physical appetites and temptations that are contrary to true principles. And by choosing right, we grow stronger. At times it may seem we are at war with ourselves, but overcoming opposition is part of the plan to make us stronger. Opposition is not comfortable, but it is necessary.

When we sin—and we all do—we can repent. The process of repentance helps cleanse our souls and allows us to grow closer to God. Repentance is not a punishment. It is a gift, purchased in Gethsemane and on Golgotha by our Savior Jesus Christ. The sacrifice of our Savior—which we call the Atonement of Jesus Christ—is more than payment for our sins. We can turn to the Savior to heal our heart, to strengthen our spirit, to find peace. We can lay our burdens at His feet, and He will take them up. He is our Redeemer. He knows us. 

Life may seem unfair at times. It may seem as if our sincere prayers are going unanswered. It may seem as though we were denied the fulness of opportunities and God’s ultimate blessings. But no honest prayer goes unheard. God will fulfill all His promises. No blessing will be denied His obedient and faith-filled children.

Sometimes our doubts, fears, and frustrations may seem overwhelming. Life can pose difficult questions and present serious obstacles. To have faith is not to have all the answers, but choosing faith over doubt is a choice to trust God. We choose to trust His plan and His timetable, even if some parts of our mortal experience make no sense to us at the present time. As we put our faith and trust in God and have the patience to build our faith day by day, eventually we will see things clearly. (See 1 Corinthians 13:12.)

Seeing clearly is not an event. It is a process. We see more clearly as we fulfill our potential as children of God. And what is our potential? If we do our best to keep His commandments, He has promised eternal joy—lasting, true joy.

If you think you might harm yourself, call your local emergency service provider or a helpline immediately.

People who experience same-sex attraction or identify themselves as gay may be at higher risk for depression or suicide. People who are depressed or who may be contemplating suicide need to know they are loved and should be referred to a competent mental health professional. 

Feelings of depression are real and can be overwhelming and debilitating. Often, professional counseling and medical care can help people deal with depression. When feelings of depression turn to suicidal thoughts, it is critical to have someone to talk to. People who are suicidal are in significant physical, mental, or emotional pain; are often isolated; and may feel they have no hope for the future. They may feel there is no other way to end the crippling pain except through taking their own life. Thoughts of death by suicide are often contemplated, considered, and reconsidered before any attempt is made. During this period of contemplation, intervention can save a life.

Preventing suicide starts with recognizing the warning signs. For a list of warning signs, please visit the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention.

If it appears someone may be at risk, the best thing one can do is talk to them about it. It may seem awkward or presumptuous, but people who are depressed often desperately need someone to talk to, someone to help them process thoughts and feelings. These conversations may be difficult, but they are critical in reducing the feelings of isolation and hopelessness that can lead to suicide. If it appears that a person is at immediate risk of attempting suicide, call the national suicide prevention lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).